To Do Lists

Like a lot of working moms, I rely on lists, everything from what I need at the store to phone messages to client requests, to what really bugs me about the unkempt family room that I can afford to take care of. And sometimes they can be a wonderful, helpful tool, not just in boosting my memory (which, I continue to claim, isn't fading, it's just that my 'hard drive' is too full), but in stress relief. (When I feel too agitated to go to sleep, I make a list of everything that I'm afraid I'll forget the next day, and it works!)
List-making is in my genes. My mother always had lists on the refrigerator, planning meals for the week and detailing what needed to be defrosted when. (It still amazes me that she worked full-time in the days before microwaves, and we always had a wholesome, Donna Reed-worthy dinner on the table by 6:30.) So I took to the habit as a child, itemizing my homework and even future goals. (I was way ahead of 'Diary of a Wimpy Kid', starting an autobiographical list in my diary at age 8 for the sake of future fans.)
But sometimes lists can create more problems than they solve, like overly ambitious New Year's resolutions (#1 - work at a soup kitchen, #2 - lose 25 lbs. this week, #3 - redecorate kitchen, organize closet and learn to weave). I thought I'd stopped, given that my only New Year's resolution for 2010 was to give myself permission to procrastinate. However, we just spent another a spring break at home, I was determined to make the most of it, and old habits die hard.
For whatever reason, many of our family friends were out of town on great trips - we're at the point where a trip to Fresno would seem exotic, so it was hard not to envy people going off to Florida or San Diego. So I made a list of all the ways in which I could take advantage of the free time - I was going to re-organize every room in the house, cook really nutritious meals and bake bread, record vocals for a children's musical, exercise for 2 hours a day, and have lots of meaningful bonding time with my kids.
Instead, the boys spent most of the vacation sleeping late, watching TV and being bored, and I didn't do much more - and it was lovely! I felt bad for a moment when I remembered the list, but on the other hand, the idle idyll must have done me good, because this morning was the first day back, which could have been really ugly (picture crabby, sleepy, slow-moving teenagers, crabby, sleepy, irritated parents, and a dog who kept barking because she wanted to play). But I made everyone breakfast, feeling very much like Donna Reed, and they both got out the door on time, without one fight all morning.
I still need occasional lists, for groceries and clients and such, but as far as 'what I hope to accomplish', I think those lists should be retroactive. So this past spring break, I caught up on sleep, loafed, watched a few old movies, played computer solitaire, spent some time with my kids, and ignored most of what I'd planned. That's a list I can be proud of!

But it was December yesterday!

Time passes more quickly the older you get - but I was still surprised that it's March already. Between my sleep-deprived brain and the grey weather, it just felt like December had kept going, until I sat down to write a blog post and realized I hadn't been here in 3 months. What happened? It's not like I've been on a secret mission, or visited Haiti with philanthropic movie stars, or visited a Swiss clinic for a carefully disguised facelift. And I haven't written a novel, or re-organized my house (not even one drawer), or kept up an exercise regime.

Somehow days, then weeks, then months, zip by, doing nothing else but sort of treading water. We start to feel like George Jetson on a sped-up treadmill, struggling to keep up. I once tried to explain the relativity of time to my kids - when you're 7, a year is one-seventh of your life, but for grownups, it's a much smaller fraction, so it seems shorter. But they still view it as relative to their enjoyment level - if they're having fun, the time flies, but a boring day goes on forever. (I don't think that equation works for adults - even when we're not having fun, time flies!)

Of course we should 'cherish the moment', 'stop and smell the roses', 'live each day as if it were our last', and other homilies from greeting cards and posters of wide-eyed kittens (or cutesy mass emails, if you're not old enough to remember posters). But that type of advice doesn't tell you how to juggle the demands of kids, homes, jobs, in-laws, spouses, committees, or really-wonderful-causes-you'd-support-if-you-had-more-time-and-money. How are we supposed to do it all?

Since I never 'do it all' anyhow, why not decide it's okay and relish imperfection?
I am finally getting around to New Year's resolutions (in March);
- Don't do today what you can safely put off til tomorrow (and by then it probably won't need doing)
- Say no to three requests a week
- Only do exercise that's fun
and - 'Perfect' is a dirty word (but take-out isn't)
And my new mantra is
- Good enough IS good enough

Say it a few times, and then put your feet up. After all, procrastinating, ignoring clutter and forgiving ourselves can be exhausting!

PS For me, I'll add one more resolution, which is to post once a week - not out of any puritanical work ethic, or sense of duty to the people who read this blog (although I love you both!), but when my kids (husband included) do something annoying, I can view it as material instead of as a reason to explode.